


nothing more

by sivantrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Songfic, a little bit tho, but also just Angst, im sorry, like its based off a song, sorry about that??, the iwaoi only appears briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 00:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sivantrash/pseuds/sivantrash
Summary: you took my soul and wiped it clean. our love was made for movie screens.or: the one fic where the two dorks dont end up with a happy ending





	nothing more

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based off the song all i want by kodaline. you can listen to it here ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtf7hC17IBM)) if you wish, it may provide some insight of why this is kind of written the way it is.

“Do you wanna know a secret?” The whisper broke the still air and successfully caught his attention. Slowly blinking open his eyes, he turned his head so that he was looking at the dark haired male beside him. 

 

“Will I have to take it to my grave?” He asked, watching as a small smile graces the other’s features. He didn’t think that he could ever get sick of seeing that smile- or that face if he was being honest. You couldn’t really blame him, not when he was dating _The_ Matsukawa Issei.

 

“Mm, I don’t think so. I’m not afraid of letting this secret be known to the world.” Issei’s eyes finally left from where he was gazing at the sky full of stars to meet his. Even in the dark, he could make out how bright the others shone with what appeared to be- love? Adoration? 

 

He would even go as far to say that they shone brighter than the blanket of stars that they were lying under. 

 

“That’s refreshing. I don’t know how well I’d fare keeping a secret for that long.” He grinned, shifting so that he was fully on his side and paying Issei his full attention- not that he never did. 

 

“Noted for future reference.” If he was being honest, no matter what the male did, Takahiro would always find it vaguely fascinating. He didn’t think he could ever become tired of just watching the other male due to the sheer beauty that the other radiated. 

 

Call him a sap, he won’t deny it.

 

“I love you so much, Hiro.” Issei’s voice broke him out of his thoughts and started a blush that dusted his cheeks. If the amused glint in the other’s eye was anything to go by, then his blush didn’t go unnoticed despite how dark it was. “I hope you know that.”

 

“Yeah, I do.” He said, his own smile breaking out onto his face as he let the warmth of the words envelop him. Issei said that to him at least once everyday and it never failed to make him feel as light as possible. 

 

“Good, but that isn’t going to stop me from saying it every day so you don’t have a chance forget.” That caused a loud, drawn out whine of _“Issei, please.”_ and a darker blush. Issei just laughed and leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. 

 

To be real, Takahiro didn’t think it would be possible for him to forget, no matter how hard he tried.

 

 

The bed was cold despite the many blankets that were sprawled across it. Even if he was buried under layer upon layers of blankets, he couldn’t reach the warmth that he desperately craved. It wasn’t possible, not anymore, but that didn’t stop him from wishing that the empty spot beside him would miraculously be taken again. The bed was too big, something that they had both used to their advantage many times. But now, it served him nothing but a sinking feeling in his chest that made it difficult for him to breathe.

Choking back a sob, he turned so he was facing the wall, not wanting to see the empty spot. Burying his face deep into the pillow, he let his cries be muffled and tears to dry into the cotton case. 

 

Dammit, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t just get rid of the longing that he felt for the other. It was so abrupt, so sudden that he wasn’t able to process everything until he heard the door shut, lock clicking into place. 

 

Issei had told him that he loved him, every single day. But if he truly loved him as much as he said he did, then why did he have to leave? Leave behind the memories that they had created together, the memories they were going to create together, the home that they were just starting to make, and that stupid specific spot on that bed that belonged to him and only him. But most importantly, how could Issei just leave him behind? Did he really mean anything to the other? 

 

Well, one thing was for sure, he would never forget just how much Issei had loved him no matter how hard he tried to cast those memories aside.

 

 

“Come on, Hiro.” Issei huffed, setting the box carefully down onto the ground. “You can’t just laze around here all day, letting us do the work.” 

 

Takahiro hummed, stretching back so that he could watch Issei lean against the living room doorway. Instead of listening to the male’s words and acknowledging the looks that were directed to him from the other two, he just made himself more comfortable on the couch.

 

“It’s called being an emotional support, Issei.” He stated, eyes closing in an attempt to block out the haters _(read: Oikawa and Iwaizumi.)_ “It’s all about the balance, you know? You’re the physical support whilst I’m the emotional support.” That earned him a laugh from one and a groan from the other two. 

 

“Emotional support? I’m pretty sure you’re the reason why everybody needs emotional support in the first place.” Oikawa chimed in causing Takahiro to let out a sound of protest. 

 

“Now that is just flat out rude.” He pushed himself up and turned so that he was facing the Setter, a pout masking his features. “I am _shook._ My schedule was already filled to the brim with multiple appointments but I had cleared them all out because I am a terrific friend. And now, here I am, offering emotional support but I am getting slandered in return. What is this? Is this how you treat the people that have come to help you in your time of _need?_ Because if so, well buddy, I hate to tell ya, but you need to get a new set of manners.” 

 

“Matsukawa, please deal with your boyfriend.” Iwaizumi stated, already dragging Oikawa out the door despite the latter’s protests. When Oikawa’s squawking was nothing but a indistinct sound, Issei focused his attention on the one lounging on the couch. 

 

“Well, you heard the man.” Issei said, making his way towards Takahiro at a steady pace. “Come on, Hiro. I know you’re just playing because you were practically on your feet the moment you heard that those two were planning on moving in together.”

 

“Yeah well, that was before I saw all the heavy boxes.” Takahiro huffed, gaze directed to the boxes that were scattered around the bare area. “And I can’t lift those. Do you see these noodle arms, Issei?” He lifted his arms and shook them to emphasize his point. “ _Noodle Arms._ How do you expect me to get anything carried in here with these?”

 

Issei just looked at the other with amusement, not even bothering to fight the smile that wanted to appear. “You call those noodle arms?”

 

“Uh huh, what else are they?” Takahiro looked at Issei as if he was missing some screws; as if he should already know that Takahiro’s arms were, in fact, noodle arms. 

“I think this is a discussion for another time because I don’t believe that you really understand what noodle arms truly are.” Issei ignored the others cry of _“I totally do know what noodle arms are, duh, you’re the one that doesn’t…”_  and dragged him up by his “noodle arms”.

 

“Come on, there aren’t too many boxes left to bring up so you can start unpacking the ones already here.” Takahiro liked that idea much better. But he also liked the idea of just standing there in his boyfriend's arms as well.

 

You really didn’t need a brain to figure out which idea he chose to act on. 

 

“Let me just. . . let’s just stand here for a couple minutes or so.” He muttered, burying his face into the crevice that was placed right where neck and collarbone meet. And despite the fact that Issei didn’t fancy the idea of getting scolded by Iwaizumi, he also didn’t fancy the idea of letting Hiro go. 

 

Sue them, they were both weak.

 

It was a quiet and peaceful moment, one that they both relished in. Their lives were both filled with schedules upon schedules and lately, those schedules haven’t intersected. Sure, they still visited whenever they could and spent the night when they didn’t need to slave over textbooks and even more textbooks. But, it wasn’t enough. The hustle and bustle kept them from having a quiet moment like this; something they both had complained about at one point or another. 

 

“You know, just imagine, this could be us one day.” Issei started, voice just barely above a whisper. Takahiro hummed, showing that he was paying attention to what the other was saying. “We could call up Oikawa and Iwaizumi, get them to help with moving boxes and such. Then, when that was done, we’d spend hours and hours unpacking them all, decorating our home in a way that represents us. We could even order something and all four of us can just relax, have fun like we used to.” 

 

Issei continued talking about the future, unaware of how red Takahiro’s face was becoming. They never really talked about taking the next step in detail; too busy with pursuing their careers which lead to a lack of moments. There would be nothing that Takahiro would love more than waking up every morning beside Issei; being able to just be around the other without having stress hang off every inch of them.

 

All in all, it would be wonderful. His brain was just having some difficulty grasping the fact that Issei wanted the same thing as he did. And seeing as how Issei still hasn’t stopped talking about it, it seemed that the other had thought about it almost as much as himself. It really shouldn’t have surprised him so much, not with how long they’ve been by each other's sides. Not as long as Oikawa and Iwaizumi but pretty close. 

 

But still, despite how sudden it was, Takahiro found himself just listening to Issei’s rambling, heart growing lighter with every word. This discussion had been put off for far longer than necessary, he believed. And now that they had this moment, well, he doubted that it would be put off any longer. When they got back, he would make sure that they would have this discussion. Well, he’d try to if he was still awake because he was pretty tired. 

 

Unfortunately, their luck doesn’t always stay for long.

 

_“Iwa-chan!”_

 

“When I said deal with your boyfriend, this isn’t what I meant.” Oikawa and Iwaizumi always had impeccable timing, never failing to disturb those precious moments. Of course, he and Issei were no better but at the moment, they were focusing on the other pair. 

 

“I’m dealing with him the only way I know how.” Issei stated, “With _love._ ” That was immediately greeted by the sounds of Oikawa gagging in the background. Iwaizumi just sighed and Takahiro didn’t have to look at the male in order to tell that he was probably sporting his usual exasperated expression. 

 

“Just, can we just focus? _Please?_ We’re almost done which means we can get something to eat.” At the mention of food, Takahiro lifted his head off of Issei and faced Iwaizumi. 

 

“What are we getting?” 

 

“I don’t know, food maybe.” Takahiro could feel his soul slowly wither up on the inside and it appeared as if Iwaizumi did as well. “I don’t know, we can cross that bridge when we get there, okay? For now, let's focus on the task at hand. Which is, you know, unpacking most of these boxes.”

 

“Aye, aye, sir. We’ll get ourselves in gear so that we can avoid dying from starvation.” Relief flooded onto Iwaizumi’s face after hearing Issei’s statement, something that Takahiro couldn’t help but laugh at. 

 

And even if their moment was ruined, well, they could always continue it after they left Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s new apartment. Someplace quiet where no one or nothing would disturb them. Though, thinking about it, this kind of conversation would perhaps take place tomorrow sometime. Knowing them, all four of them would end up getting distracted and let time fly right past them. It would probably be late by the time both he and Issei left and what’s the point of having a conversation when both participants would be too tired to converse? 

 

But still, the point remains. 

 

This conversation will end up happening and despite the quiet anxiety ringing in the back of his mind, Takahiro had a feeling that Issei was on the same page as him. And sparing the male a glance, the grin that he got back had him feeling brighter. But before he could be swept away into the beauty known as Matsukawa Issei, he turned back to the box that he was opening, wanting to avoid a scolding from a certain Iwaizumi Hajime. 

 

Besides, if they didn’t properly help, then that would give Oikawa and Iwaizumi the incentive to refuse to help them when Issei and him decide to move in together. And while Issei may fill up the “physical side” of their relationship, Takahiro doubts that he could actually do it all on his own. They _really_ could not have that happen.

 

 

He wasn’t sure how long it’s been since he’s been sitting here, curled up on the couch, eyes never once leaving the door. Maybe it's been minutes? Hours, maybe? He wasn’t too sure but he couldn’t find it in himself to really care too much about that. Not when his mind was still reeling about the events that had only taken place not too long ago.

 

The quietness didn’t help much either.

 

After the whole commotion, the quiet but cold words that were said, the tears that were shed, and the harsh footsteps that echoed off the walls; it was just too quiet. He could still hear the sound of the door shutting bouncing about in his head, something that he just wants gone.

 

Because as soon as that door had shut, it was also signaling that another person had left him. Hanamaki Takahiro has officially lost another person and he just can’t seem to get it. With the others, he could understand. The connection was never really deep and there never was any deeply rooted emotions or dreams that tied them together. But it was different this time.

 

It was foolish of him to actually believe that Issei wouldn’t leave him for some reason. He allowed himself to fall completely and utterly in love with the other; never preparing himself for the day that he will end up meeting the ground. And it’s supposed to hurt this much, right?

 

He wasn’t stupid for feeling this way, _right?_

 

Shit, he just wants to not think right now. What’s the point of thinking when he can’t even do it properly? When his mind is a mess and he’s still stuck trying to come to terms with what happened and what he’s feeling and what he’s going to do and _shit,_ this was too much right now.

 

Burying his face into one of the pillows, he could feel the aching in his chest become as prominent as the pain in his head. This wasn’t how things were suppose to play out tonight. They were suppose to have one of their weekly movie marathons, relax from the buildup of stress, but it didn’t turn out that way. And really, maybe he should have been paying better attention so that he could prepare himself for something like this but he didn’t, and now he is left feeling like this. 

 

Fuck, he didn’t want to deal with this. He wanted to just put this off, leave it to another day to deal with but he can’t. He can’t because it’s too quiet and there’s nothing to serve as a distraction because everything in this damn apartment has pieces of Issei laying around and he just wants to avoid that. Avoid everything for a little bit and just stay here, curled up on the couch.

 

Maybe that was one of the reasons of why he’s alone? Avoiding stuff seemed to be his forte and it can get annoying, he knows that, but he’s been working on that. Trying to curb that habit into something manageable.

 

It appears that he’s failed at that one simple thing. 

 

 

“What do you mean, _‘are you sure?’_ like, why wouldn’t I be?” Issei questioned, staring at the other with furrowed brows. If the mood wasn’t so serious, Takahiro probably would have laughed. Those eyebrows have always been his weakness if he was being honest.

 

“Well, like, it’s just, I’m kind of a mess and I just want to be sure that you’re aware of what exactly you’ll be dealing with.” He replied, fingers tapping erratically onto the side of the cup that contained his now lukewarm mocha. Issei barely spared them a glance, opting to lean back into the seat and take a drink from his own lukewarm drink. Takahiro was pretty sure that it was coffee, what kind though, well, he’s not sure. Issei tends to change his order up sometimes; something that Takahiro gets and relates to on a personal level because come on, live a little. Don’t just limit yourself to one thing, right?

 

“You are aware of the fact that we have been together for how many years now? And at this point in time, I can confidently say that I know you, Hiro. And that I am fully prepared to commit myself to you.” Issei answered, expression calm and relaxed. Takahiro wished that he could be as relaxed as the other but he can’t, not when the other doesn’t seem to be getting it. 

 

“Yeah, but it’s different. That was when we were _friends,_ Issei. We’re dating now. It’s _different._ ” Takahiro stated, leaning forward just a bit. “This is like, a whole different realm of possibilities.”

 

“It really isn’t. Of course some things are going to be different but we can always deal with those. I mean, we’ve done it before, haven’t we?” Sometimes, Takahiro really hated when the other was right but at the same time, he couldn’t deny the relief that those words brought him. “And it’s not like you are the only one who has your own problems to deal with, Hiro. We both will have our moments, you know that.”

 

“Of course I know that, I just, I don’t want to mess anything up, you know? Like, I don’t want it to make it sound as if I have no faith about us actually working out but I’m just scared.” 

 

“That’s understandable. I mean, I’m actually pretty scared as well.” Issei admitted, making sure he caught Takahiro’s gaze before continuing. “But the thing is, we can and will work it out. It’s normal to be scared of something that’s new, especially this, but don’t let that hold you back, Hiro. If something happens, we’ll deal with it. The both of us.” 

 

It was quiet between them, both contemplating whilst taking occasional sips from their respective drinks. The hustle and bustle of the coffee shop served as great background noise. Ranging from variety of orders being called out to the bits and pieces of conversations that people don’t quite manage to say quietly. Takahiro never did too well in complete silence so he was thankful that this happened to be the location that he chose to lay out all his concerns. 

 

But really, now that he was thinking about it, his concerns were borderline silly. Their friendship was something that he took pride in and cherished deeply; it was proven that one problem or even multiple could simply just break their friendship. And it also helped that Issei was actually pretty understanding and knew him from the inside out. Actually, they both knew each other pretty well, something that Takahiro was pretty proud of. 

 

“Are we good?” Issei asked, breaking the air of silence that had developed between them. Takahiro broke from his thoughts and refocused his attention on the male seated in front of him. 

 

“Yeah, we’re good.” And it was the truth because they were. Takahiro just hoped that it would remain the truth in the future.

 

“Wonderful. Now, you won’t believe what Oikawa did today.”

 

 

It’s been awhile now and he’s come to accept what happened. Well, he’s attempting to come to terms really. You can’t expect him to just get over the other like that, not with everything that they’ve been through. But, like he said, he is trying. 

 

And with that being said, this was how he found himself walking back home from another failed date. Takahiro wasn’t even sure what number of date this was, he had lost count after the tenth one. Like, really, by this point the others should be conscious of the fact that he is ready to accept the lifestyle of loneliness. 

 

The people that he had been on dates with were pleasant people, they really were. But they just weren’t people that he could easily connect to. Many of them didn’t provide him a reason to stay and those that did, they were just unable to connect.

 

And that was hard, he’s not gonna lie. 

 

What was different with these people and Issei was that they all lacked something. He wasn’t sure exactly what that something was but he had an inkling. And that inkling was one that he wanted to avoid because it was stupid and it would prove just how little progress he’s made in getting over the other. 

 

But seeing how nothing is ever really on his side, he doesn’t get the chance to avoid that inkling. 

 

His apartment was dark and quiet; a scenario that he doubts he is actually ever gonna get used to. It was a scenario that didn’t provide him any opportunity to avoid the things he probably shouldn’t be avoiding. Letting the door softly shut behind him, he made his way over to where the couch was and flopped onto it, not bothering to take off his jacket or anything else. 

 

It was times like this that he wished that he had somebody here with him. Someone to help him deal with this constant loneliness; to manage it. Don’t get him wrong, he appreciates his friends and their efforts but they can only do so much. They just can’t fill that gap that’s been placed in his life after Issei left. 

 

He doesn’t understand why his friend keep doing what they’re doing; pairing him up with people that he know’s he won’t have any sort of relationship with. They weren’t _him_ and they never will be. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t just tell them that. That would just be even more selfish and rude of him.

 

Right?

 

Here they were, trying to help him get a hold on that part of his life that had been unbearably empty for awhile now. But, then there’s him, who is just trying to find the one who left a part of him unbearably empty. Well, correction, trying to find someone like him. Maybe that’s what his problem is. 

 

He knows that it’s not fair of him to try and find someone like _him._ He knows that it's pointless because it’ll be impossible to find someone like that. He knows that but he just can’t help it. He’s gotten so used to having a constant presence in his life that he can’t help but to just keep looking for something or someone to help with that absence.

 

And yeah, sure, he loves Oikawa and Iwaizumi and the others but it isn’t the same. They don’t really understand him the way that Issei did; they aren’t able to provide the sense of security that Issei did. It’s stupid and it sucks and it’s just incredibly annoying because why can’t he ever just have good things in his life? Why is that such a hard thing? 

 

Rolling over onto his back, a sigh escaped him. He was just so tired. All he wanted to do was just sleep and sleep and sleep some more because you just can’t get enough of that. Unfortunately though, he is unable to get some proper amounts of sleep because he still hasn’t gotten used to the empty spot next to him on the bed. 

 

Maybe he’ll tell the others that he doesn’t want to meet anyone right now, not like this. Not when he’s looking for someone that he’ll never be with again. It’s not fair to them nor is it fair to him. Maybe one day he’ll get to the point where he isn’t looking for Issei everywhere. He hopes that the day will come soon. 

 

All he wants is to just feel at peace again.

 

 

“Hey, Hiro, I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Issei. But will you just go to sleep?”

 

“Anything for you, my love.” 

 

“Oh my god, shut up.”

 

 

“Goodbye, Hanamaki.”

 

And really, out of everything, that was what  probably hurt the most.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry if its a little bit confusing, the way its placed and everything. the events arent all in chronological order but if it helps at all, feel free to comment or whatever and i'll tell you the proper timeline? also, i would just like to clarify that mattsun is not the "bad guy" in this. there wasn't really many details surrounding why it happened but one thing for sure is that mattsun was not a huge asshole, okay? i just wanted to say that, get it out of the way just in cause someone interprets this in the wrong way.
> 
> ANYWAYS, thank you for reading this and whatever else you may do. i love matsuhana, they're great, they make me cry, the usual. hmu on [tumblr](http://existentiallytired.tumblr.com/) or something


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